Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I understand how hurricane paths work

Did you become a cuckold for your wife?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Samsung sponsored runs hint at Galaxy Unpacked in New York City - SamMobile

I see through liars

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

The S&P 500 closes at 6,000 as bulls aim for return to record territory - MarketWatch

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I have complete contempt for fakery

Do you think the TikTok controversy played a role in ByteDance's plan to spend over $12 billion on AI in 2025?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Nicole Scherzinger and Sarah Snook win top prizes at Tony Awards - BBC

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

What is world history that not many people know about?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

NCAA approves multiple major rule changes in men's college basketball - On3.com

I don’t buy bullshit

I actually pay taxes

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Have you ever had a secret crush on anyone?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Thunder clap back behind Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, bench to take Game 2, even NBA Finals with 123-107 win - NBC Sports

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Why does Taylor Swift endorse Harris when Harris supports open borders?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

James Webb telescope discovers 'a new kind of climate' on Pluto, unlike anything else in our solar system - Yahoo

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Doctors And Scientists Are Revealing Things People Don't Realize Are Wildly Bad For Their Health - BuzzFeed

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

‘King of the Hill’ creators slammed for ‘pathetic’ Jonathan Joss tribute after his murder - New York Post

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Scientists say a tiny brown moth navigates 600 miles using stars — just like humans and birds - CNN

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Do happily married husbands cheat?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I can read

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have a reading level above third grade

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I can count

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: